Bipolar Hope Blog #1
How fitting the very first blog I sit down to write is when I am in a manic mode. Those of us who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder know when the manic phase starts to kick in. For me, the first tale-tell sign is that all of a sudden I don't need sleep. I want to sleep, I try to go to sleep like a normal person, but it just doesn't happen. I look over at my husband and wish at times I could just sleep like him. I get up, go from room to room checking on the girls. I cover them up again, kissing sweet, sleeping pretty faces. I continue to try and wrestle with all the thoughts in my brain that just will not shut off. The racing thoughts that run rapid. Round and round they go like a merry-go-round. Most of my best writing happens in these early hours and on the flip side some of my most creative moments have happened in the dark. Although it is hard to concentrate, I try anyways because trying to actually read a book I know will not happen. How I long for the days I can actually sit and read without my concentration breaking and without just getting aggravated that I put the book down. Right now, I am in a state where I feel like I can conquer the world with all the thoughts going on in my head. All these ideas. If only I could stick to one and not have nine others waiting in the wings. I do start and stop many projects. In my manic phases, I also accomplish and finish projects. Sometimes, I am cleaning the house or organizing a closet in the wee hours of the morning because I just cannot sit still. I have to be doing something productive. I have to be so careful in times like these not to just go and grab something horrible to snack on. Right now, with Halloween around the corner we have all these sweets in the house. I love candy! I seriously could just go grab a bag of mini-candy bars and easily down a good ten while sitting here as I write. If I am being totally honest, I could eat more I just didn't want to open up that can of worms on the very first blog! I am going to pay for this at some point. The mania will not last and I will eventually crash from this high and hopefully not fall into a depressed low. I am tired, but I just can't sleep. Tomorrow is going to be painful. For those of you reading this blog who do not have bipolar disorder, here are some of the top signs people have when in a manic phase:
1. Decreased need for sleep
2. Racing thoughts
3. Restlessness and agitation
4. Overconfidence in oneself
5. Impulsive or risky behavior
8. Changes in appetite and sleep
9. Problems with memory, concentration, and decision-making
10. Preoccupation with death and thoughts of suicide
For me, at this current moment, 1-4 and 8 and 9 describe my current status. Everyone is different. I get the hopelessness and withdrawl when the depression rears it's ugly head. And when things really take a turn even number 10 can start to creep into my head.
The above are definite signs of bipolar disorder.
If you are someone you love does experience number 10, it is nothing to mess around with. Seek help immediately, you could save their life. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is: 1-800-273-8255.
Until next time friends.
Stay safe, be kind, show love.